Fears

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." - Marianne Williamson

What is it about this quote that resonates so deeply with me?
Truth.

What am I afraid of in my power beyond measure, in my light?
I am afraid of the stories I tell myself about how others will respond to me if I live in my light. Stories of isolation, separateness, loneliness. And the stories I tell myself about expectations and doubt.

What are those stories?
That I will encounter the person who doesn't agree, who speaks their truth which is opposed to mine. I will be pushed away. I won't meet their expectations. And so I won't meet my expectations. Their truth will resonate with the doubt in me, with my stories of inadequacy.

Why do I fix my focus on my own stories of inadequacy?
I have become accustomed to the discomfort of believing my stories of inadequacy. I am comfortable in, or maybe it is resigned to, my discomfort. So long as I am stuck here I don't have to face my fear of the stories I tell myself about what will happen as I accept and live with my power. I don't have to face the stories I tell myself about expectations and doubts.

Don't the stories just lead me back to inadequacy?
Yes. I've followed one possible story through to completion and found that I'm inadequate, so I spend my time looking for evidence of that story and that outcome. I've given away my power to someone I don't even know, who I may never meet, who, theoretically doesn't share my perspective and my truth. Apparently I've decided before I even begin, that if I can't be certain that everyone will agree with me I won't even try to live my own truth.

And that is why I find myself walking into my old, singularly demoralizing story to challenge it. To question every part of it. To find alternative stories that resonate with more truth and love. To free myself from it's confines and create a habitat for my soul.