If I said "I woke up feeling a lot of angst about my project" would you think you needed to fix something? If I said "You told me my project has a lot of potential (and I agree with you), and now I'm feeling angst about it" would you think I was blaming you?
At the core of most communication difficulties is a basic confusion over who it's all about. I'll make things simple:
What is spoken is about the speaker.
What is heard is about the listener.
What is felt is about the feeler.
What we say and hear and feel is a reflection of our own internal state. The external world merely provides the stimulus that allows us to understand ourselves more clearly.
I think that the closer we are to our conversational partner, the harder it is to remember these distinctions. So the next time you feel a conversation going the wrong way, or negative emotions rise up within you, take a step back.
And if you just thought I meant physically take a step back, why don't you just shake it all about...? Do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around, 'cause that's what it's all about. Really.
No comments:
Post a Comment